And We Don't Know How
by Alwaysgurl2013
Summary: You would think that after getting her feelings often enough, she would start listening, but of course she won't.


_You never know when your last day will be. People ask the question "If it was your last day on earth what would you do?" all the time in life or death situations. Well what would you do? Would you spend the day with family and friends? Live every moment to the fullest? Try to do as many stupid and crazy things as possible? Or live your life like it was a normal day?_

"I don't think I am going to get out of bed today."

"Why not Mer?" Derek says as he rolls over to look at me.

"I have one of those feelings."

"Mer, you're not going to die today."

"But every time I get this feeling, something bad happens. Bombs show up in patients, I almost drown, shooters come to the hospital-"

"Your husband forgets your anniversary."

"Not funny Derek! Seriously, I am not leaving this bed."

"Well there are many things that we could do that let us stay in this very cozy bed, but keeping our jobs is not one of them, I am sad to say. Plus I don't think the Chief of Surgery and his wife, who happens to be head of Neuro, get to miss out on a fun day of work." He looks into my eyes. "I promise, you will be fine."

"Every time I get a feeling, you all make me go to work and then I almost die." I throw the covers off of me and walk towards the bathroom. "If I die today, I am coming back to haunt you just to say I told you so!" I yell over my shoulder to Derek who is sitting on our bed. After hoping in and out of the shower, I get dressed into jeans and a t-shirt. I walk down to our kitchen where I smell blueberry pancakes and hear chatter floating towards me.

"Daddy, you can't get bigger from drinking milk. It's soupy so it will make you soupy," our 4 year old daughter, Rachel Alexandra Shepherd, says from her seat at the table as Derek puts a pancake down on her plate.

"Milk helps your teeth, right Daddy?" Our 6 year old son, Michael Christopher Shepherd, says after gulping some milk to wash down his partially eaten pancake.

"You got it Mike." Derek says, smiling at our now beaming son.

"Milk makes your bones strong, and your teeth are bones." Our 9 year old daughter, Talia Christina Shepherd, says in a dull voice. "It won't turn you soupy Rach, cuz without your bone you would turn soupy but with them it keeps your form and you stay upright and the calcium in milk helps the bones to harden so that you keep on being able to move."She states, obviously spending some time with her Aunt Callie learning about bones.

"Really Tali? So if I drink a lot of milk I could be as big as you?" Rachel says with excitement laced into every word, wanting to be more like her older sister.

"Uh, duh." Talia says and Rachel's entire face falls as she wanted her sister to agree with her.

"Talia Christina! That is not how you talk to your sister!" Talia turns to face me quickly and her dull glazed eyes turn wide eyed. "Apologize to her. That was incredibly rude!"

"Sorry," She mumbles in the general direction of Rachel. Rachel sits for a moment not knowing what to think of what Talia had just said before opening her mouth to speak to her sister.

"So I could be as big as you one day?" She asks, almost as if she had already forgotten what had just happened.

"Yeah maybe even bigger than me," Talia says, trying to make up for what she had said. I sit down next to Derek, who plops a pancake onto my plate.

"Feeling better yet?" He whispers to me. I shake my head.

"Mommy, Daddy, are you going to make it to my dance per-for-man-ce tonight? 'Cuz Ms. Lizzie says that we all dance really good and its gunna be super good!" Rachel asks.

"You all dance well honey, but yes Mommy and I will be there." Derek says and I nod in agreement, hoping that this was actually going to happen. As we eat, Talia, Rachel, and Mike chatter about different things. Derek and I listen to what they say knowing that it is rare for us to have family time like this between our schedules. The minutes feel like they are speeding away fast and I just want them to slow down so I can spend more time with my kids before they grow up and become the teenagers that will despise their parents like I did, as I know will happen whether it is despise because of us not buying them the latest trend or because of the fact that we missed something because of a surgery. I notice the minutes ticking away on the clock on the wall and before I know it, it's time to get Mike and Talia to school and Rachel to daycare. "Let's put dishes in the sink and then grab your things because we need to leave."

"Mommy, where's my backpack?" Mike asks from the living room.

"In the front hallway where you dumped it yesterday."I turn to grab my bag. "Tali, don't forget that Kelly Harris and her mom are taking you to soccer and then you will go to their house where Daddy will pick you up."

"I know Mom." Tali says from down the hallway where she is grabbing her backpack. I watch Mike with his red Cars backpack and Rachel with her pink Disney Princess backpack run off towards the car after Mike says he will race her. Tali, on the other hand, walks slowly past me towards the car with a mad but bored expression on her face.

"Tali, you ok?"

"I'm fine Mom, quit worrying. I'm not a baby."

"I never said you were," I said thinking that she was acting weird. "You just seemed different that's all."

"I'm the same person I was yesterday. Leave me alone." She starts to storm off to the car.

"Tali!" I say as she moves quickly past me.

"What's up with Tali?" Derek asks as he and I walk to our cars.

"I have no idea." He wraps his arm around my shoulder and places a kiss on my cheek.

"Everything is going to be fine." He says before going to kiss Rachel goodbye as I am going to drop her off at daycare while he takes Mike and Tali to school. I give Mike and hug and a kiss. I walk over to where Tali is standing and she glances in my direction.

"Bye." She says shortly.

"I love you Tali." I say and give her a hug but don't feel her returning it.

"Yeah, yeah." She says before climbing into the car.

"I'll see you at the hospital." Derek says before giving me a kiss on the lips. "I love you."

"Love you too." I climb into the car as Derek already strapped Rachel into her car seat. "Ready to go to school sweetheart?" I ask and see Rachel flash a Derek-like smile before nodding her head. "Then let's get going!" On the ride Rachel talks about everything from ballet to school.

"Mommy will my Aunts and Uncles be at my pre-for-man-ce?" Rachel asks.

"Maybe some of them. Not all of them because the hospital needs them, but what if I ask some of them to be there?"

"YES! Like Aunt Christina and Aunt Lexie and Uncle Mark and Uncle Alex and Aunt Callie and Aunt Arizona and Uncle Owen and Aunt Teddy and-"

"I'll ask as many of them as I see ok?"

"Yay!" Rachel smiles the rest of the way to school. I walk her to her classroom before needing to leave for the hospital. When I pull into the parking lot I see Derek waiting near my parking spot.

"Some people might think that you were stalking me if they didn't know better." I say jokingly.

"Well, I think I can stalk my wife if I want to," He replies smiling. "Especially, if I need to make sure she shows up to work."

"Well I don't think that I should be here. I have a feeling and the last couple-"

"I know Mer. I just want to make sure that you were ok." He offers me his hand and we start to walk towards the hospital. "What do you have on the schedule today?"

"Not much, visiting post-op patients and surgery only if an emergency comes in. I really want to make it to Rachel's dance recital."

"I know. Me too."

"I feel like we should get her flowers or something."

"I could stop and pick some up if you want."

"No you have to pick up Tali from the Harris's house and Mike and Rachel from daycare. I'll pick some up and meet you at home."

"Sounds good to me."

"Since you two seem to have just come up with plans and they sound finished I am stealing Mer." Christina says before yanking my arm.

"Bye Mer. Remember, everything is going to be fine."

"Bye Derek." I say as I follow Christina's leading way.

"What was he reassuring you for?" Christina asked skeptically as we got father away from where I had been talking with Derek.

"I got one of those feelings."

"I thought after you got so many of those feelings, you would stop listening to them. You aren't going to die."

"Still the bed seems like a good place to stay when you get them. Plus Tali was in a foul mood all morning and I have no idea why."

"Oh?"

"Yeah she's only nine but sometimes I feel like she's already hit that teenage anger."

"You meant teenage anger that's really nothing right?"

"Yup."

"Well, maybe she just woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Christina says as we reach the elevator.

"Hopefully so."I say before hearing my name.

"Dr. Shepherd! I am so glad I found you." Dr. Matthews, a red head intern, says. "Tina Williams spiked a fever and her right hand is slowly losing feeling. I really need you to come look at her."

"I'll see you later Christina."

"Bye Mer." We walk off towards Tina Williams' room. I examine Tina before getting Dr. Matthews to take her for a CT. I check on my other patients before getting a page from Derek. I walk to where he is.

"Want to get some lunch?"

"Sure," I reply happy that our schedules now work out where we can eat lunch together every day for the most part. His arm wraps around my shoulders and we walk like this to the cafeteria to pick up some food. "I'm still worried about Tali."

"Mer, she going to come home tonight and most likely be just like she normally is. She might have just been cranky."

"Still I don't like when she is acting strange. It worries me."

"She's going to be fine. Just like I promised you would be."

"It's only half way through the day. There is still a lot of time for something to happen."

"If you keep saying that I might just have to keep you at my side all day to make sure," He says joking slightly.

"Hmm… sounds fine to me."I say leaning into his embrace and he plants a kiss on the top of my head. We grab food and walk towards a table in the courtyard. "You could keep me out of surgery then."

"Meredith Shepherd not wanting to go into surgery?" Derek's eyes look at me confused.

"Because I want to make it to Rachel's dance recital. I don't want to be like my mom. She never showed up to anything at my school and never would have 'wasted' her time coming to see a dance recital if I had been allowed to take dance classes."

"You are nothing like your mother. You care and that's the bigger difference." He said clasping my left hand in his right. We eat and talk about different things such as our kids, the hospital, and our friends until my pager goes off. "911 in the ER," I mumble.

"Head of Neuro is tons of fun, huh." He smiles his McDreamy smile and I laugh before getting up to go down to the ER.

"Haha not funny…" I say sarcastically.

"I love you."

"I love you too."I say before going to the ER. I saw patient after patient and soon, my day was over. My phone goes off with a text from Derek saying that he leaving to pick up Tali, Mike, and Rachel. I walk to my car and drive to a local gas station/ grocery store to pick up flowers. I think that some sunflowers would be nice, since Rachel's dance costume is the same color of yellow as a sunflower. But then again, Rachel always loves the daisies in our garden, so maybe daisies are what I should get her. "Sir, do you have any daisies?" I ask the man sitting near the floral arrangements.

"What we have is out, but there should still be some daisies, I would think."

"Thank you." I look around the little floral area as the store wasn't too big. After finding some daisies, I pick up a small bouquet of them and walk towards the check out, when the man at the front counter starts to make a commotion.

"LOCK THE DOORS NOW OR I'LL SHOT SOMEONE!" He screams from the front counter. "EVERYONE NEEDS TO STOP MOVING AROUND, OR ELSE SOMEONE IS GOING TO GET SHOT!"

"Sir, please. Don't shoot anyone. We'll lock the door and no one will get hurt right?"

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!" The front counter girl scurries to the door and locks it. "NOW I want everyone to move to this area!" He says while pointing with his gun at an area near the front counter. We all move carefully but quickly towards where he is pointing, trying not to get anyone hurt. As I move, all I can think about is my earlier feeling and my family. I can't break my promise to Rachel; she would be devastated if I did. "WHAT IS THAT?" He yells at a man who is holding his cell phone from a call he was making earlier. "DON'T CALL ANYONE!"

"I'm not. I was on the phone before-"

"EVERY TOSS YOUR CELL PHONES NOW!" We all throw them towards the middle. "NOW, if anyone does anything stupid, I will shoot. So don't do anything stupid and I won't shoot, GOT IT?" We all nod.

The moments pass slowly, and I know that if I don't get going soon, then I will miss Rachel's performance. Cell phones are going off, family members wondering where people are. We all look at one another wondering how we will get out of here, if we ever do. I see one man near the edge of the group that didn't throw his phone into the center, and I am the only one who sees this. I don't say anything since I am hoping he will be smart enough to call the police or someone who can help. I mouth **police?** and he nods. After a few tense moments, we hear a group of cars pulling up. Police officers start to get out of the car, but once they see the man holding the gun, they immediately stop walking towards the store.

"POLICE! DON'T SHOOT! WE JUST WANT TO TALK!" An officer says from the door.

"I DON'T WANT TO TALK! I WANT WHAT'S MINE!" We all look around, not knowing what he meant by this.

"What is it that you want?" They ask with the door still locked.

"WHAT'S MINE! AND FOR YOU TO LEAVE NOW!" He says raising his gun.

"Sir, we are here to help. Don't shoot. Just talk to us."

"No." He says and smiles as he points his gun, and as the trigger is pulled and shoot at me, I know I should have listened this morning.

"_If it was your last day on Earth what would you do?" Well I would live for tomorrow. I would love the people I love to the best of my abilities, dance in the street in the pouring rain, live fearlessly, because the worst thing that would happen would be dying and if that is already going to happen, why worry? Live, laugh, love. Because if you don't, you might never get to enjoy the time you had._


End file.
